Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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