its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize