i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
