Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
