Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
do herpes really smell.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
