I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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