I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize