did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
