I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
