can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
