i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
