I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
