I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
