She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
