Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
