The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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