I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
