My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
