i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
