so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
