i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
