apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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