I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He passed out mid-signature
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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