I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
