new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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