Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
