it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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