So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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