My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
