4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
