im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she pinky promised me she was 18
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Are my feet made of real feet?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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