Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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