just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Holy sore nipples Batman
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
