return my video game
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
