I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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