Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
