My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
