Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
