so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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