Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
