it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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