her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
