Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i drank out of a bidet.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
