at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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