I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
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