smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
