I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
