We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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