oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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