I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
