The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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