That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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