like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
