youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
