walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my being single is dangerous.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
