its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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