She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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