Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just tell him i said nine months
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
