I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
