this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
