Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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