last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
