so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
