i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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