Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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