No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
