someone threw a dead crab at me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Found your dick twin last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
