Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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