just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
did i just pee glitter
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