Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
