Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize