Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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