Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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