My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
