I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
