I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
